Sunday, December 2, 2012

Need Help with Your Writing?

I stopped in at Half Price Books yesterday to buy Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, the third and fourth (and final) books in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. While checking the clearance rack to see if I could get them for less than the $14 or so I eventually paid* for them, I picked up Swallowing Darkness**, thinking it was the first book in Laurell K. Hamilton's Merry Gentry series.

Turns out it's the seventh, so that's a fail on my part (and on the part of the out-of-order publication list in the front of another book in the series, to be fair), but I'm going to read it anyway, of course. More fail!

To find out where I'd gone wrong***, I visited Hamilton's website and browsed around. I discovered the FAQ page. Apparently, Hamilton gets a lot of requests for her help with people's writing**** -- or at least, she would really like everyone to think that she does -- and so she has posted an answer to this question:

www.laurellkhamilton.org

Let's look a little closer, shall we?

The rights to all content, typos, irony, and unjustified condescension are reserved to www.laurellkhamilton.org.

So . . . this is my first time looking at this FAQ, I have in fact politely looked at the FAQ instead of contacting Hamilton or any of her many representatives directly, and I am, for my trouble, made to feel that I have somehow imposed upon her time by looking at her FAQ page before bothering to go comb through all of her old blog posts. And isn't the point of an FAQ page sort of to, I don't know, answer frequently asked questions in one place so that readers don't need to go searching through blogs, pervious***** or otherwise?

Allow me to assist Hamilton by adding another FAQ for her:

Q: Should I ask for writing advice from Laurell K. Hamilton?

A: No.

* Silence, peanut gallery. I keeel you.

** Heh heh. Heh heh heh heh. That sounds dirty, Beavis. Also, I'm pretty sure that's actually what that title refers to. Review coming soon! (Heh heh heh heh.)

*** Yes, buying the Twilight sequels, thank you, I get it.

**** Kind of like asking Hitler for a gefilte fish recipe, but whatever.

***** As you might have guessed, her other blogs are impervious: to logic, to reason, to spelling, perhaps to water. Maybe most of them are about condoms, umbrellas, and duct tape. Search them and see!

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